listening to jay - piao yi

just came back from training.. almost the entire team were MIA so only ming, sandy, sop and me were there.. triangle sparring with sop and sandy was farn.. because no one got any injuries.. if only every sparring session was like that..

ming brought down his super classy weighing machine (standing platform made of glass leh.. mai siao siao).. and.. and.. and..

my weight was 48..

man i feel like dying.. the weigh-in is tml and im supposed to be under 47 to qualify for fin cat.. omfg.. i dont want to go to fly and end up getting whacked left right up down centre.. plus they're prolly going to be much taller than me..

wearing super light clothes down for the weigh-in tml.. hope it helps..

knn.. why am i so fat.. i was only 46 this time last year.. no worries about going to fin then..

if i can get into fin tml.. im going to go on a crash diet to bring down my weight.. i must..

i wonder who came up with the rule that one club can only have one fighter per category.. that means.. sandy and i cant go into the same cat.. its not allowed..

conclusion: i got to lose weight.

i dont remember this rule being around last year cos i see a lot of psa and safsa peeps fighting each other..

wonder whats on next year.. only one fighter allowed per club?

argh.

anyway i was having a chit chat with the lab staff that day and we were talking about hereditary diseases.. so i told them that i have a family history of heart disease.. hypertension.. diabetes and renal failure..

and thats only my mother's side alone.. wonder what kind of shitty genes are inherited from paternal side..

for close friends who know about the messy story about my family.. my grandparents are still my real grandparents.. and they are the ones with all the hereditary diseases mentioned above.. so..

i still have a family history of all those shitty diseases..

so i was telling the staff.. that i will commit suicide if i get bugged by renal failure someday.. im not trying to demoralise patients out there with renal failure.. i really admire them a lot for their guts to live on..

imagine the burden on the people you love so dearly.. mentally and $$$ly..

imagine having a super lumpy arm because your vein and artery are joined together surgically to allow for dialysis..

imagine having to plonk your butt on the chair for 12 hours per week..

imagine getting poked by two big fat needles 3 times a week for the rest of your life.. and its not just getting poked.. its about the needles staying INSIDE your arm for 4 hours each time..

imagine drinking only 500ml of water per day.. water includes soup, water in porridge.. and the worse thing is.. u got to take a cocktail of medicine (>10 per day) and it already takes a lot of water to swallow them..

imagine all these..

thats why i said i will commit suicide if i ever get it one day..

and so.. the lab staff and i were discussing about ways to die.. and we came up with the best way.. i have already made it my point to die this way if i ever want to commit suicide..

and that is..

CO poisoning.. just sleep in the air con and die just like that without any pain and suffering.. how good can it get?

so dear friends out there.. im saying these because ure prolly one of my close friends if ure able to read my blog.. and i dont want to dirty your car by dying inside..

so if i ever want to borrow your car from u 20 or 30 years down the road.. dont lend it to me.. but do introduce car borrowing lobangs to me ya?

and anyway..

ky and i were talking about what we would do if we only got one day left in this world..

what i want to do is pretty simple actually.. apologise to my family for always taking them for granted.. that i love them..

and tell cs that i still love him after so long.. cos aiya.. dying anyway.. no chance to feel awkward or anything..

ky told me what he wanted to do too..

and i tot.. all the things that we wanted to do could have been done any normal day.. and im sure everyone has a list of things to do when asked this question..

so why not just do those things? why wait until the time u know you're dying?

which makes me think a lot.. i dont know why.. i like to ponder over this kinda thing..