Fuck Caring

listening to beyond - guang hui sui yue

i love this song right now. he used to tell me that beyond's songs were nice but i used to tell him that they suck.

how i wish i knew how to appreciate it then. would have another common topic to talk about.

ehem. sorry for the digression.

i know i will prolly fall asleep in lectures tml if i blog at such an unearthly hour.. but i will go mad if i dont get some things off me.

there are so many things bottled up inside me and im super irritable these days. anyone who pisses me off will be dead.

dead i tell u.

an uncle at the cc did that yesterday and i think i gave him a huge shock with my outburst.

yours truly here was looking at duncan's dad and ming trying to unhook the sandbag.. i was actually damn embarrassed that a parent had to help to keep the things so i was trying to see if there was anything i could help with. (i have already given up barking at the poom belts to help out).

then this uncle had to come and tell me this while acting like he was some big fuck or something..

*translated to english*

"aiya you dont make people laugh at you can? what can a girl like you do?"

OMFG. i dont know what you make out of that comment but i was damn pissed.

sexual discrimination.

and i would like to add that i have got NO fucking problem carrying the sandbag. yours truly here happen to have that brute strength.

so i challenged that uncle to something. if i could carry that sandbag he would owe me a meal.

and i did it.

the DAMN FUCKING uncle then proceeded to adjust the sandbag until its weighing on my shoulder. of cos i couldnt take that weight ON ONE SHOULDER. that sandbag is heavier than me for heavens sake.

and the DAMN FUCKING uncle proceeded to sneer at me.

how ungentlemanly.

so i threw the sandbag on the floor and told him that. i dont care what he thinks. ive managed to carry the sandbag.

"where got where got"

cb kia. knnb.

so i proceeded to mind my own business to keep the handmitts in one of those big boxes. NO ONE was helping me so obviously i had a tough time squeezing all the things into the box. try pouring 600ml of water into a 500ml bottle without spilling anything out.

* bad illustration i know. i dare u to tell me that. *

so one of the handmitt had its strap sticking out of the box when i closed it. and the FUCKING uncle came around and accused me of spoiling the things that he bought for us.

hello?! excuse me?! like fuck can?!

number one.

CC gave us the money. NOT him.

number two.

WE bought the stuff ourselves. NOT him.

and like fuck he had the cheek to claim all the credit when all he does is like i dont know. sweep the floor?

i just threw the box (its heavy) on the floor and threw the other box on top of it and walked off.

everyone went silent. yes. even the FUCKING uncle. for once in my 3 years at tkd, someone manages to shut him up.

let me clear something first. i dont think im scary. people tell me that i am. damn scary. when im pissed.

cuiwen didnt dare to talk to me for 3 days because she was scared that she had made me angry during the "camp"..

i didnt realise that i have that effect on people.

all i did was look a bit sian when she was scared of a beetle in the bathroom, causing 4 mosquitos to fly into our room in the mayhem.

yours truly here. HATES mosquitos. try being stung for 18 years and tell me how you feel about them.

i guess i should have pointed that out.. it would have explained my sian-ness and sadistic insistence that the air con be kept below 20 degrees at all times. even at night time.

u see. one of the things about me is that i dont like to explain my actions to other people when i think its not necessary. often ended up being misunderstood. i suck.

had to reassure her that im cool for like dont know how many times before she was convinced that i am NOT pissed with her.

am i really that scary to the point that people dont dare to talk to me? omfg.

***

anyway.. just wanted to point out what was making me feel so irritable recently but i ended up complaining and complaining.

(1) im freaking worried about flunking common test.

(2) i dont understand a freaking lecture from the past few weeks.

(3) and i got no energy to read them at home.

(4) i dont understand a freaking thing from rehka's module.

(5) i finally (last week) told him that i like him. im acting like a hermit crab right now and i hate it.

(6) ive grown fatter because i cant run in the stupid rain.

(7) i dont know what i am going to do after i graduate. what if i cant find a job?

(8) what if i disappoint my grandpa and mum?

(9) im still bothered by the changes at tkd side.

SEE. so many major issues in my mind 24/7. how can i not go mad?

***

ARGH... HAO FAN AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hotgjirg;iwegweg=0gm-041283g89yer

that was me slamming the keypad.

***

meanwhile.. do yourself and me a favour.. dont piss me off.

unless you want to help me determine if im scary or not.