我運用繁體字來打出這些，好像在刁難中文水平不是很好的自己。

但這是個發洩，所以我想，越少人看得懂就越好吧。

開始了。。。

上個星期的某一天，我和一位朋友談起了他。

我們的對話讓我擁有個不同的角度來看我和他。

其實，我和他的關係一點都不複雜。

其實，是我無法走出這個圈圈。

其實，我早就該放開了。

我好傻。為了一句“我還喜歡你”而把自己顯得更深。從沒想過，他說那句話也許只是為了不讓我傷心而已。

不能讓我開心給我幸福也許不鍋只是一個藉口。

身為完美主義者的我，真的能夠接受一個沒有信心能帶給我幸福快樂的人嗎？真搞不懂我自己。

分開了那麼久，我一直以為我很懂他，很了他是個怎麼樣的人。

其實，我懂的只是四五年前的他。分手之後的他變成什麼樣的人，過著什麼樣的生活，我一點都不懂，一點都不了。

我們的關係也沒有好到像從前一樣，能夠對彼此說出對方的心事。

這些年來，我越是想靠近他，他越就離我更遠。

如果有一天他有了一個新的女朋友，我苦等了多少年都是我自己活該。

朋友會認為我們還有機會，也許是我給他們的錯覺罷了。說話時嘴邊不斷掛著他的名字，手上依然帶著刻有他名字的戒指，也難怪他們會覺得我們的關係好曖昧。

知道自己明明該放手，事實也已經明顯到不行，我還是選擇逃避。

對他的感情真是深到連我自己都覺得莫名其妙。

。。。 。。。

I have decided to give up on Taekwondo and wash my hands off whatever crap is happening back there.

How can someone like that be trusted with the responsibility of guiding the juniors?

I really feel like slapping him whenever I go down and see him throwing his weight around barking at the juniors.

We got our black belts through sweat and effort. He got his because of the fact that he is great at boot licking and sucking up to the instructor.

He treats us with a great deal of disrespect and hostility just because he is wearing the same belt as we all are.

Or so he thinks.

Us and him, we were never and will never be in the same league. He was never a part of our team and he will never be because the team is gone and we’ve brought the spirit away with us.

He never bows to us and has never addressed us as sirs and mdms because he thinks he knows more and is better than we are.

We are certified black belts acknowledged by the federation. He is only a poom belt in the eyes of the law.

Picking a primary school kid to spar with him really was the last straw that made me deem him as less than a human.

Maybe being thrashed like a retard in tournaments has cultivated his sadistic pride and joy in bullying the weak.

Someone who is lousy can be taught to become better.

Someone who is lousy and fails to realise it is just a pathetic moron that cannot be helped.

He guides the juniors with a fucked up attitude and half fucked techniques.

He doesn’t realise that all the juniors cannot stand a moment of being placed under his training and that they don’t have an ounce of respect for him.

The seniors let him have his way because we are all tolerating his absurdness for the moment, waiting to kick his sorry ass one fine day.

Whatever he says will be useless because the ultimatum is that we can all whip out our black belt cards and throw it in his face to show him the difference between us and him.

I don’t know. Maybe he can whip out his diapers in retaliation.

The identity of this person was never mentioned. Anyone who wants to take it personal and admit that its him is welcomed =)