reformat

listening to yellowcard - only one

been MIA for the last couple of days cos ming was helping me format my laptop..

so many things that i wanted to blog about but i kind of lost the feeling now that im here.. how ironic..

***

firstly, ive completed my phlebotomy attachment at NUH.. going to start my final year project tomorrow.. time really flies..

ive always said i cant wait to get my diploma and bid the dysfunctional class of weirdos goodbye.. i still feel this way.. but the feeling is not that strong anymore..

i sometimes wonder why our class is not those happy family kind of class where everyone looks out for each other and enjoy our time together..

20 people taken away from the school.. thrown into an unfamiliar environment.. survived crappy lecturers and days of free labour.. tough exams.. phlebotomy attachment.. blah blah..

but we're still pretty much a separated class with small groups here and there.. class politics.. backstabbing.. freaky desires to compete for better results..

ive got to admit that im starting to add more classmates to the list of normal people in my class.. the normal ratio outnumbers the abnormal ratio now..

but.. i still pretty much hate my class..

and i guess i will never understand why we can remain so distant from each other even though the class has been through so many things together for the past year..

one of the questions in life that has no answer no matter how hard u try to think of one..

***

was surfing the net yesterday when i came across photos that he took with his classmates..

it was as if i was looking at a stranger.. hes really changed a lot..

the only thing i can be very sure of after looking through those pictures..

is that hes truly happy with his life now.. no longer shy in front of girls..

the thing that saddens me most is that.. the stranger that i was looking at in the photos is that he is still wearing the watch that i gave him for his birthday last year..

im not good enough in the language to put down my feelings in words.. but its a horrible feeling.. its like.. im feeling so down to the point that i cant even cry it out.. the feeling that my heart could sink no lower..

gwen told me that he is not the cs that i loved anymore..

i know that..

im just running away from the fact..

waiting blindly for him because thats the only feeling i got left in my heart since he left me..

i dont even know what i really should do..

i know i must give up but i cant..

i know i must move on but i cant..

i wish i didnt have the heart to care about him..

sigh.