sad again

listening to 5566 - yuan dian

i feel that im living a life with no goals and aims.. i study but i dont know what i am studying for..

speaking of which.. im so sick of medical stuff all of a sudden.. it used to be my interest.. but i guess.. too much of something kills the interest?

felt really down and depressed after looking through haemato notes today.. couldnt understand a thing from most of the lectures.. guess i can only blame myself for drifting off in lectures.. i dont know how im going to die for this common test..

ive never felt so helpless in my studies before..

i dont know how..

went to training and got whacked like a dog during sparring.. i dont know why i become what i am now.. used to be more daring in sparring.. got the mentality of i must be tougher than my opponent.. i must kick her harder than i got kicked..

i dont know where my fighting spirit went.. when people are fierce to me now i just let them be.. when they kick me i just hug myself and move back..

what kind of shit am i becoming.. i do not know..

my life is like a sparring session now.. ive lost my will to fight.. against all the problems..

i really dont know what im doing with my life now.. i just feel like sleeping and sitting alone in my room all day long..

im so useless..