listening to avril lavigne - complicated

ive got two red, swollen and angry looking earlobes now.. plus a burnt wallet *smells burnt leather*..

went for the long awaited appointment with the ENT clinic at NUH (i still think its weird to see a doctor at my "school").. the receptionist scared the living daylights out of me when she showed me a paper with the list of fees that they charge for various treatments..

and the prices are all sky high.. in the range of many red notes to a few blue notes.. i thought i was going to have the cysts removed by surgery.. so i freaked out when i saw that the price.. walked haphazardly (thinking of the damn money) to the ATM to withdraw a month's worth of pocket money.. which essentially meant months of savings..

the entire thing costs $25 in the end.. stupid receptionist.. u scared the shit outta me u #$%#$..

***

didnt have to wait long for the consultation.. the doctor called me into the room after like only 3 minutes of waiting.. the doctor gave me 2 options.. neither of which sounded hopeful..

(1) have steroid injections in both ears once every 2 weeks.. to reduce the swelling.. but the steroid works really really slowly so ive got to wait pretty long for the results to show.. it might not even work!

or..

(2) have a minor operation (i wished she had said surgery instead) to remove the cysts.. description of procedure: administer LA, cut open the earlobes, remove the cysts, STITCH it back.. then come back for a low dose steroid injection every 2 weeks.. and...

the cysts WILL PROBABLY GROW BACK again..

knnb wtf.. i didnt expect it to be termed "operation".. didnt think LA was required.. didnt think the cut was gonna be so bad it had to be stitched back.. didnt think i need injections after that.. DIDNT THINK ITLL GROW BACK AGAIN AFTER SPENDING A BOMB TO GET RID OF IT..

man i hate my earlobes.. they never looked nice anyway (ive got weird looking ears that i always hide with my hair)..

considering the stupidity of getting my ears cut while facing the fact that the cysts may come back and say hi to me.. i chose option number 1..

AND ITS DAMN PAINFUL OK.. cant imagine i got to go through it once every 2 weeks for the next few months.. knnbccb.. nasty procedure..

first the doctor poked the needle into my ear (which was nearly painless).. then... she located the ROCK HARD lump on the earlobe and plunged the needle in.. imagine trying to inject half a syringe full of medicine into something ROCK HARD.. the pain was excruciating.. her hands were shaking cos she had to use so much bull strength to drive the needle into the lump..

knn. when i say something is painful.. it IS. anyone who attempts to brush it off as a typical girly girl whining shall be kicked by me..

and i looked so stupid after the procedure cos both ears were injected.. so both ears were bleeding.. so i had to use the pathetic pieces of alcohol swabs to stop the bleeding.. and because it involved both ears.. i sat there like a primary school student that was punished for not passing up homework (imagine pinching both ears)..

like fuck..

and the damn bleeding wouldnt stop.. i had to ask the receptionist for tissue papers cos the alcohol swabs were soaked with blood.. and the bleeding only stopped after i boarded the shuttle bus ( and i waited for 3 freaking shuttle buses )..

knn man.. bad experience really.. horrible.. like fuck..

omg.. im so pissed.. and its nobody's faults but mine.. cos its MY ears..

im so pissed off with myself.. shit..

thinking of another injection in 2 weeks time makes me feel like fainting.. the nurse in the consultation room still smiled and told me cya cheerfully.. like fuck..

arrrggghhh..

woe is me.