listening to orange range - asterisk

i know my entries are pretty crappy recently.. thats why some of them ended up being deleted eventually..

my mind is filled with all kinds of weird/sad/angsty thoughts everyday so its kinda hard to blog them out.. esp with my powderful english..

to me, writing is the easiest way to express my thoughts.. its even easier than doing it verbally.. so i guess im really screwed cos i dont even know how to express myself in "writing" now..

sigh.. whatever. i dont know me too.

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celebrated ch's birthday at his house.. almost full attendance.. i wonder if this is the last.. im one of the last few (last girl) to leave his house.. because i just wanted to spend that bit of time more with them..

thats dumb i guess..

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just watched the ren ci charity show on tv.. and this is the main thing i want to blog about..

im not going to talk about the nkf saga ifself (im SO sick of that).. just wanted to say what i feel about the aftermath of what happened..

i dont deny that i doubted venerable shi ming yi when i saw him trying to explain how transparent ren ci's system was.. blah blah.. i thought he came across as trying too hard to distant ren ci's system from nkf's.. and that made me get even more sick of the whole charity crap..

but my tears dropped too as i saw him cry on national tv tonight.. i felt so disgusted with myself for actually questioning his motives for trying so hard.. i thought he was just trying to create some big hoo hah by doing the stunt..

after watching the show.. i realised that NO ONE in the right mind would do the stunt purely for publicity's sake.. have you seen the wooden thingy that he was walking on? its ROD shaped for heavens sake.. oh. my. god.

he just wanted to do his part to fulfill the promise that he made to the patients and their families.. he didnt expect the backlash.. the comparisons with nkf.. the newspaper articles about how the artistes are exploited to perform like people in a circus..

it must have hurt him to see all these happen.. and i truly believe that the tears that were shed were for real..

i guessed the nkf saga made everyone turn blind to the fact that there ARE really honest organisations out there who wants to help these families out as much as they can..

the real victims of the nkf saga are the beneficiaries of the many many charitable organisations that exists in singapore..

people who are bedridden, people who got a needle poked in them 24/7, people who dont know if they will live to see the next day, people who cant do the things that you can.. i know thats being crude but thats just how it is..

dont care about the gold taps or whatever shit..

its over..

if you can afford to spend money on betting, shopping, smoking, fine dining, blah blah.. it wouldnt hurt to spend a bit of money helping out the community of needy people..

ull never know.. you might be one of them in maybe like twenty years down the road..