Feeling empty

listening to jay - 梯田

ky went to look at us train last night.. seriously, that alone was enough to make me tear.. we were sitting at the back of the class talking while they were doing warm-up..

everything just feels so different.. i think the right word to describe it would be empty.. it used to be the group of us chatting at the back of the class.. yesterday it was just ky and me.. and he wasnt even in his gi.. things just felt different..

man im really depressed.

went up to the conference room to look at a video of all our past performance.. all the demos since simon's era were shown.. i havent joined then..

then came our demos at the old folks home.. the tkd camp.. the park.. the PA site.. the expo.. not to mention the countless demos we had at our own training ground and stage.. and lots more..

tears started to drop when it showed the old folks home video.. that was like eons ago.. shimu was still there.. the aerobics with all of us involved.. i could remember the scolding that we had when we couldnt get the coordination right..

as expected, i was crying buckets by the time the video showed our last demo together.. no one else seemed to be as affected as i am.. looks like that but i believe they didnt feel too good either.. ming joined longer than i did.. sop and i joined the team together..

i feel totally embarrassed with myself for letting the kids see me cry..

***

asked sir about letting ky come back privately during lesson.. wasnt during supper til i realised that duncan, aaron and i all popped the question to sir in private.. goes to show how much we want ky back..

i miss ky.. i miss those trainings.. i miss everything that used to be there instead of this stupid emptiness now..