Listening to Matchbox 20 - If you're gone

Shift work sucks to no end and i hate it.

I so dont feel like working tml but i have to. Too bad i have too much integrity in me that i cant bring myself to fake one MC out.

Sunday is family day no more. this is devastating for someone who is used to superglu-ing herself to her family for the past 20 years worth of Sundays.

SAD =(

***

I decided to give my break a miss and return to tkd because..

i dont know why too. *shrugs.

***

As i was taking the train home, i realised that im starting to go back to becoming the grumpy and unhappy me.

must be the fucked up roster this month thats causing me so much agony.

being unhappy is no good because i will start to think too much about things that should not even be popping up in my mind.

things like whether to go to uni, whether to switch jobs, how to take up another job, the pathetic amount of money in my bank, the 700 dollar monthly bill for home loan, the 400 dollar dialysis bill, the 150 dollar water and elect bill, the 450 dollar bill for fillial piety, the 30,000 that i have to save to get that piece of junk called a BSc, my glorious 1570 dollar pay per month.

im practically saving 0 dollar each month. zero. kosong. 0o0o0o0o0o.

and im already having biscuits and bread for lunch everyday. whats the next step? drinking tap water?

imagine ure me. dont you feel like flinging yourself out of the window?

then ull realise that you cant even choose death as an option cos theres no one to pay the bills after ure gone.

so sad.

all the fucked up roster's fault.