listening to the silence in my room

screwed up during training yesterday.. randal had to raise his voice at me to wake me up from the fear that i have from sparring..

for one of the rare moments in my life.. i actually guilty instead of angry after being shouted at.. hes right in everything that he said.. and i feel really sorry for letting my team mates down..

i really want to apologise to the team for what happened yesterday..

all i can do is cry.. its like the only thing i can do recently.. all i do is cry and cry and cry without any good reasons to do so..

stressed over the coming exams..

stressed over my report that seem impossible to finish..

stressed over the nationals..

stressed over money matters..

i really think im breaking down soon..

i cant sleep at night.. my eyes are getting swollen from an average of 5 hours sleep per day for the past week or so..

im feeling like a rubberband thats been stretched to the limit.. gonna snap anytime soon..

asking me to confide in friends about all these just makes me look like a weakling..

how i wished i had someone to cling on to.. just for the next 2 weeks..

im reaching breaking point..