listening to tao zhe - ai hen jian dan

really cant take it anymore..

if theres one word to describe how i feel constantly.. its depressed..

i hate the fact that im so blardy lousy in tkd..

hate the look of my unfinished report..

hate the heaps of notes piling up on my desk..

but perhaps..

its time to face my own feelings..

i hate the fact that im STILL very concerned about him after all this while..

still thinking of him whenever i feel down and out..

stil worrying about his injuries.. still worried about his match in the tourney..

i know i should be more worried about my fucking lousy skills..

but at least my opponent is not from the national squad representing sg for sea games..

I HATE THE FACT THAT IM CRYING AND LISTENING TO SAPPY SONGS WHEN I SHOULD BE STUDYING.

or even more so..

i hate the fact that im going to spend my birthday this year buried under rehka's notes..

i dont even feel like existing on this filthy earth on my birthday.. if theres a hole big enough to engulf me.. ill willingly jump into it.. and stay in there forever..

17th birthday was when we got together..

18th birthday was when we had our first anniversary..

birthday this year?

i can cry myself to hell with the misery and the stress..

in the past 18 years of my life.. i dont remember having such a hard time trying to survive each day..

tough times.. really tough..

can i last through?

i doubt.