listening to dreamz fm - should i stay

mugging plans for today failed again.. only went through tumour markers and cancer notes.. it was all so DRAMA..

i looked at my tumour marker notes and read..

and re read..

and re read..

and re read..

and..

i still couldnt understand what the fuck is it about..

then i did the thing im best at..

i cried..

SO STUPID RIGHT.. knn..

then i forced myself to go through it.. finally managed to read it peacefully.. but it gave me such a terrible headache that i had to sleep to get over it..

one chapter.. and it caused me so much agony..

god i wanna die..

how am i going to survive exams like that..

***

training cheered me up a little today.. was so relaxing to train without the nationals looming over us.. i guess the nationals is a closed chapter now.. the team has got to move on.. =)

***

went home together with him just now.. smthing in me tells me that i still have very deep feelings for him.. very clear cut feeling that i still like him..

i always like to say " i dunno " to a lot of things.. but in this case.. i know very very well that the feeling is still there..

why the hell am i like that..

i suck..

i keep telling my friends not to think so much.. but i cant do it myself..

ive tried lah.. i really did..

now if ure sitting there being cynical about me really trying.. that i didnt try hard enough..

go fly a kite..

ive already tried not to think about the past.. and i did succeeded..

but.. when it all comes down to whether i still like him..

i dont even have to think for an answer.. cos its like a very strong feeling that tells me that i still like him..

smtimes.. i really feel that i am a very useless person..