listening to goo goo dolls - here is gone

demo was a success.. sir is happy.. we are happy.. everyone is happy..

from the backstage.. really seem like everything went so well.. esp his part of the destruction.. planks were like breaking and flying all over the stage.. literally.. its not my biased view.. everyone pretty much said the same thing about his performance..

everyone finished the aerobics without problems in the coordination.. feels... good..

this demo is like the only thing that went right in my life in recent months..

been spending so much on training and preparing for this demo that..

i havent been studying for the exams.. i know ive prolly gotten my priorities all wrong but.. at least im doing what makes me happy.. not going to regret it too..

ill prolly regret more if i miss this demo.. its prolly the last one with everyone together.. at least.. for a long time from now..

studying just makes me feel depressed.. perhaps worse than that.. always makes me feel so dumb when i cant understand the notes.. which happens like 99.9% of the time..

and yes.. i only managed not to drop dead on the spot and give up on my microbio paper the other day is because i memorised my notes for the exam.

yes. purely memorising work. nothing else. no understanding. no nothing.

ive never felt so dumb before in my entire life.. not understanding a single thing from notes.. having to memorise everything by knocking them into my head.. its my first time in my entire life doing this..

and man it doesnt feel good..

im crumbling..

i have made up my mind to quit school if i fail the exams this time round.. im really SICK of studying.. totally sick of it.

makes me wanna puke.