listening to jay - qing tian

haem paper this morning..

was disastrous once again..

wtf..

could have been the same even if i didnt study yesterday.. felt so stupid to mug until i broke down so many times.. its like im constantly mugging with a roll of toilet paper beside me for standby..

***

its my birthday tomorrow.. and im dreading it.. really..

dont want it to come.. its the happy memories that hurt most..

how i wish i can just dig a hole and bury myself in there.. just for tomorrow..

with no stress for genomics paper..

no reminders of what would have been..

no thoughts of him.

if flunging myself out of the window wouldnt turn me into a pathetic lump of mashed up blood and gore.. ill gladly do it right now..

no no.. im not thinking of dying yet.. still got to bring money home to support my folks in the future..

just.. entertaining myself with the thought of finding a way to end the bloody pathetic reminiscing of memories..

beats studying for genomics right?